A Message Meant For Me....

This General Conference had so many messages that hit home with me...but this one especially.  If you weren't able to listen to this talk by Elder Rasband, I highly recommend it.  As a Mom to one of Heavenly Father's Special little Angels, this message truly struck home.  Many of you know my little Annie and know what a special little girl she is but most of you don't know the heartache that comes everyday from not knowing what the future holds for this little one.  As a mom you want only the best for your children and never want to see them have struggles but Annisten has had so many struggles from the day she was born that it almost seems "normal" in our home.  We could not ask for a sweeter little girl but I so long to just be able to get to know HER.  She will be 3 years old in July and I can't tell you just how much I wish that I could be able to communicate with this little girl.  She is so easy going and can entertain herself for hours and usually only cries when she is tired or hungry...What mom wouldn't wish for that?  Me! At this point I wish that she could tell me the things that hurt, or what she feels or what makes her happy.
 At night when I hold her she looks right into my eyes and I feel that she is trying so hard to tell me something, but can't...it just isn't fair...but I always have to remind myself that she chose to come to earth knowing what was in store for her and that Heavenly Father has a plan her and for our family.  I always say "I wish that I could spend just one day in her little body to know what she feels, sees and what would help her to get better."  It makes me think of my Heavenly Father and how he must feel, watching each of His children as they go through life and their struggles and triumphs and the sadness and joy he must feel for each of us.  I want more than anything to see my little girl be able to feed herself, to be able to run and play at the park and be able to have tea parties and play dates with her little friends...I want her to be a little diva and show me attitude...I'll take it all!  But not having a diagnosis leaves us having NO idea where she will be in a few months let alone a few years and I think for someone like me that is the hardest thing ever.  I know that Annisten is one of our Heavenly Father's most choice Spirits and that he knew she could handle whatever he sent her to earth to endure, but what did he have planned for me?...did he think that I am really that strong or that I could handle all of this? 
I don't think that it would be possible for me to love this little girl any more than I already do, she has truly stolen my heart and made an everlasting mark on me but no matter how hard I try to be strong, there is always a feeling of doubt and fear in the back of my mind and no matter how hard I try to think of all of the good things and try to be positive, there is always the fear that she will never have a "normal" life.  I am always reminded that Heavenly Father has sent us to this earth and has promised that he would never give us anything that we could not endure and that with his love and guidance we can overcome all things. 
Ellie and Reece are so cute with Annie and never think anything differently of their little sister because this is all they have ever known and Jeff has a huge soft spot for this little girl and would do anything for her..I am so thankful that I am able to be part of such an amazing family!  I have lost count of the many Father's blessings that my amazing and strong husband has given to our little angel and am so grateful for the Priesthood power and the many, many miracles that we have seen through their healing power.  I honestly don't know how anyone can go through the loss of a child or having a child with a disability without the knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father and knowing the full meaning of the Atonement and the sacrifice of our loving Savior.  Having a testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is what gets me through each day and knowing that I need to strive to do my best while on this earth so that I can be worthy to be with my little Angel and my Family for eternity is why I am here.  As Elder Rasband said "We are all enlisted till the conflict is over..."  We are here to strengthen our knowledge and testimonies and grow each day knowing that there is a great reward awaiting us in Heaven.  I am so grateful for the gospel in my life and for knowing that there is always someone there to listen to my worries and my fears and that he will give me comfort in those times of need.