Wednesday, July 6, 2011
One of Those Days...
I usually don't dwell on Annie's delays but for some reason it has really made my heart ache lately. I went to Youth conference a couple of weeks ago and Jeff had the day off and was able to stay with the girls, being the fun dad that he is he took the girls to the park and to lunch and just played with them all day. (something I have a problem doing, since I'm a little OCD and can't let the house work not get done.) Anyway, when I got home late that night we sat and talked about our days and Jeff said to me, "It's just not fair." He went on to tell me while at the park he tried to take Annie down the slides and play with her but it just wasn't fair that kids younger than her were running around and climbing all over. As the tears came to his eyes I saw that he was able to see and feel what I do every day. I never knew how difficult it would be to have a child that doesn't respond when you call her name and hardly ever makes eye contact despite every effort to get her to do so. I just want so badly to get to know her, to just see her personality, to hear her say "Mommy, I love you!". Not knowing when or if this will ever happen is the worst feeling ever. Yes, I wish that she could run and play, but more than that I want to know HER. I know that I cannot be angry with Heavenly Father because my sweet little girl knew that she would come to earth in this body and that she would have these struggles and we are told that we will never be given more than we can handle. Sometimes I wonder if Heavenly Father got the wrong person, I really do try not to get down or discouraged but sometimes that is impossible! As a mom you always want the best for your kids and never want them to have trials and struggles but Annie has made me realize the real reason we are here on earth. I know that we came to earth to receive a body and to learn and grow and that we were all given different trials and I know that Heavenly Father sent Annie to me to help me learn to enjoy the little things in life and to have a different outlook on life. I truly have a special little spot tucked away in my heart for this little girl, She can truly make my heart feel joy! Tears come at every milestone no matter what age they come, it only makes them more special to me. Annie is truly a gift from my Father in Heaven, she has helped me to learn to rely more on my Heavenly Father for direction and comfort and has given us more learning experiences than I ever thought possible. Even through all these things I've learned I still have days when "It's just not fair". Today is one of those days when my heart truly aches to know my little girl. I love you Annisten Kate.
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3 comments:
You're a great mommy, Tara, and Annie is a sweet little girl that you can't help but adore. We love you guys!
I loved reading all your feelings, but my heart broke of course at the same time. No one can be strong all the time, but I've got to tell you how amazed I've always been at how you and Jeff have handled it. Looking at it in a positive light, and lovin' your little sweetie all the more. You guys seriously are incredible!
I just wanted to tell you how amazing you are. I think it's good to have those days and to just share your feelings about it all. I can't say that I know what your going thru because I have no idea but I did want to tell you about a little experience I had. It was a little while ago. I was holding your sweet little Annie at church and she was trying to go to sleep and I didn't have to teach that day so I told you I would just take her with me to my class. As she layed in my arms I kept getting this overwhelming feeling over and over again about what a special and amazing individual she is and will continue to become. I kept thinking about how God picked you to be her parents because he trusts in you and sees the things that you can teach her and all the things that she can teach you as well. I don't know if this helps at all but I read a talk a long time ago that I loved and stuck with me. It was about this lady that was really struggling and going thru some difficult times and people kept saying to her "God doesn't give us anything we can't handle." Well one day someone came to visit her and said, "God does give us things we can't handle because it is in those times that we realize we can't make it alone and we find that we need Him to make it thru." I know your doing an amazing job and Annie is so lucky to have you as her parents. I'm thinking of you and my prayers are with you. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You always help me refocus and realize what really matters in life.
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